Ah, it’s nice to return to the blog-o-sphere…
I never pegged myself as one to share extremely personal things via my blog; however, I feel sharing this experience is beneficial on multiple levels. Firstly, I want to explain my hiatus from this commitment. Secondly, I hope that sharing the experience will allow others to catch a glimpse into my reality and, perhaps, see our commonality. Lastly, I believe that appropriate sharing is cathartic.
When I first set out to create this blog, I did so with my life partner, my best friend, my husband. Some of you who have been following will remember our collaborations and his poetry–which are still hosted on this site. Despite us both being committed to our spiritual paths, our relationship path has diverged and we are not continuing in the direction of a married couple. We are still committed to our children and to the being the best co-parents and friends we can be.
Sharing what “happened” isn’t necessary. In fact, according to Swami Rama, “The nature of Reality is a game of hide and seek, which is really the only game there is—now you see it and now you don’t.” Furthermore, the Yoga Sutras explain: “Although the same objects [or situations] may be perceived by different minds, they are perceived in different ways, because those minds manifested differently.”
So in actuality, what “happened” is based on whose perspective you garner. In fact, the word perspective is powerful in and of itself… According to Google, “[in] late Middle English (in the sense ‘optics’): from medieval Latin perspectiva (ars ) ‘science of optics,’ from perspect- ‘looked at closely,’ from the verb perspicere, from per- ‘through’ + specere ‘to look.’” What calls me is not the fact that it means to look, it’s the fact that it denotes looking through.
So what is it that we are looking through?
It is the veiling Power of the Universe, Maya. “Maya means appearance, as if something appears to be one way, but is really another… some view maya as meaning that nothing is real, and turn this into a cold-hearted intellectual practice, others view the illusion of maya as being shakti, the creative force of the universe. In this way, the maya of the koshas is experienced both as unreal and, at the same time, as the beautiful manifestations of the universal oneness” (Swami J).
The reversal of this process is the purpose of meditation in traditional Yoga. As Georg Feuerstein has explained, it is implosion. A receding (for lack of a better word), through all the “layers” until there is an experience of “The Witness?“.
How does this tie in with Chad and I? Well, I believe the philosophy and the practices I have been sharing have helped me to be more at peace with what is happening. Firstly, as I have mentioned, I appreciate perspective in a way that I have never before. I feel more empathetic towards someone who I may have considered to be an adversary in the past. Secondly, they have given me more self-regulation. All of the time watching my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors have helped me to be less reactive. I am certainly not professing mastery; but, I feel less volatile. Additionally, I attribute a general feeling of optimism because I know that what I am is not defined by my life situation–there is a constant which is unaffected and I have access to the peace of this space.
I was recently presented with the metaphor of grief being like a spiral staircase–as opposed to being like a ladder with rung-like stages. We continually move through stages, which circle back around; but, on the next pass we’ve moved higher. This is also a metaphor for sadhana (the spiritual path); we keep moving upwards–even if it seems we’re going around in circles.
Make sure to click the links– there is a plethora of information there.
Om Shanti Namaste
From the Gross to the Subtle 