Tag Archives: Mindfulness

Arguing In My Head

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Greetings Dear One,

Have you ever been having a powerful argument, explaining your side, being absolutely right… I mean you are absolutely winning this battle… But, it was a completely one-sided conversation– the person you were arguing with wasn’t even there.

Our brains developed from ancestors who were survivors: they avoided being eaten by sabertooth tigers, they survived wars, they procreated despite unspeakable odds.  Whether you call it karma or genetics (aren’t they one and the same) we are the descendents of these amazing individuals.  

When our ancestors prevailed over their adversaries, it was beneficial for them to be able to tell their story around the campfire.  Imagine how helpful it was to explain how to increase someone’s chances of survival in a dangerous and primal world.

Our minds still like to tell a story.  Whether it about a car accident we had that we have to share on social media; or, it’s rehashing past grievances–even if only in our head.

Perhaps you’ve heard of autobiographical memory.  It sounds like an amazing super power.  Paradoxically, several scholarly articles explain this nearly perfect recall makes it more difficult for people to let go of the past.

Often, we believe if we reflect on our past we will garner a bit of information, we will make some more sense of… it–whatever “it” is.  In some cases this is true; however, for most of us rumination isn’t helpful.

As much as our mind has a habit (samskara) of time-travelling nostaligically into the past and anxiously into the future, our life is happening now.  This is the essence of mindfulness.

“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

Mark Twain

However, being mindful doesn’t mean always attending to the world out there.  It’s a flexible attention, shifting outward and inward appropriately.  This skill is garnered with meditation.

When we meditate regularly, we begin to observe our mind a bit more as if it were in front of all, the yogi’s describe this as being the witness.  Then we can see our mind has a habit of retelling stories when certain triggers are switched.  Next thing we know, we check out of our life and are arguing with those who have wronged us.

I am not saying we should allow ourselves to be victimized.  However, many of us (myself included) can find that we’re pining for a lost love, wishing a dead perpetrator would come to justice, or hating the first boss who fired us twenty year ago.

Life is happening NOW.  Now is all we have.

“You can be right or you can be happy.”

Gerald G. Jampolsky

Now, this is only one article–it’s not the answer for perpetual happiness.  Living in the “now” can be an excuse to procrastinate and avoid our obligations.  Mindfulness has to be in conjunction with our Values–it is a servant to a Higher purpose.

–That’ll be the next article.

Please, click on the links.

It’s been a while.

Life Happens,

Namaste

The Angry Baby

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Image result for angry baby tiger

As a mindfulness instructor, it’s challenging to come up with an “elevator speech” or lesson about anger. Many people come to me seeking to become rid of their anger. This is not the goal of mindfulness training.

Anger is a reflexive emotional response to disappointment and aggression (real or perceived).  The yogis explain the powerful emotion springs from the four primitive fountains, which are inherent to all sentient beings: food, sleep, sex, and self-preservation.

Self-preservation is the most powerful urge. It makes sense, there is an inherent drive to keep oneself alive.  Eastern Philosophy would argue, many times (especially in the developed world) the reaction is to threats which exist only in our mind. The ego perceives the potential death of one of our many personae.

Physiologically, our amygdala switches on the sympathetic nervous system and our body is flooded with cortical hormones. It’s the classic flight or fight response.  This isn’t inherently bad, it serves an important purpose–it’s how our ancestors survived so we can be here to discuss this! 

The problem is many of us are overly reactive and every little ego-death causes us to fly off the handle. We’re literally a bunch of raw nerves.

So, shouldn’t we try our best not to feel anger? 

The answer is no! Anger is a signal that something is wrong (even if it’s in our imagination). We don’t want to become numb. We need to learn how to feel the emotion without becoming consumed by it. We should learn to react skillfully. 

The first step is deciding that we no longer want to be a slave to our emotions. Talk to yourself, connect with what is meaningful to you. Tell yourself when you are you’re possessed by anger that it takes you away from what matters. It puts strain on relationships and impedes connection.  

Next, (and you may need to find a teacher to guide you) you practice observing yourself when you’re feeling angry.  This isn’t easy and it takes willpower. This is one of the reasons systematic yoga meditation is powerful and effective: during the body scan you methodically move attention throughout your own body.  This helps you to develop a sense of actually inhabiting your body–most people are a little disconnected from their amazing human suit.  Over time you can use this skill to observe your body when you are feeling angry.  Perhaps you feel your chest tighten and your heart rate quicken.  This can signal you to use another technique from systematic yoga meditation, deep diaphragmatic breathing.  This counteracts the fight or flight response and helps to calm the nervous system.

In deeper stages of meditation you become a witness to the mind in its natural habitat, allowing the thoughts to come and go. This affords the ability to see thoughts and emotions as objects that are inhabiting the mind–they are not the mind itself. In a nutshell, you can observe anger in the mind with awareness it is not the entirety of the mind.

At this level of practice, you create a little space from anger. In that pause, which you develop during meditation, you can choose to act from the anger or to allow the wave of anger to arise in the mind and body and, when it abates, continue with a wise course of action.

Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh explains,  “Anger is like a howling baby, suffering and crying… Your anger is your baby. The baby needs his mother to embrace him. You are the mother. Embrace your baby.”

The anger isn’t evil; however, we may do evil while in its clutches.  Anger is shakti, the power of creation.  However, we can choose to create while blinded with anger or allow the anger to wake us up and enact positive change.  The anger can catalyze a course of action fueled by that which brings us closer to our higher self.  This is acting from love–this is acting skillfully.  But, in order to do this we have to broaden the space between the trigger and the anger–it has to become less reflexive.

Ignoring anger is just as detrimental as continually exploding.  The stored up anger has to come out–remember it’s the creative power of the universe.  It will manifest either in an H-bomb or in other deviant behaviors.

Rumi lovingly metaphorized emotions as visitors in his oft-quoted seminal work The Guest House:

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Will you pause and listen to the guide or allow it to take over your mind while the Real You watches idly by?

 

Keep Up The Good Work!

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2nd anniversary

It’s the blog’s two-year anniversary.  Thank you for sharing the love and light!  Mommy dharma has kept me preoccupied; but, all is as it should be!

A tardy Day 11 of 30 Days of Peace (but, I forgive myself)!

One of my spiritual teachers, Rev. Richard Burdick, is a musician.  He recently shared that new piano students would focus on the mistakes they made while playing.  He explained that he would try to shift their focus to celebrating the dozens of right notes they played instead.

We’ve all been the aforementioned novice musician.  We gave a presentation and focused on the one slide we flubbed.  We made a beautiful meal and focused on the salty side dish. We were snappy with a loved one and forgot all of the hugs, kisses, and wiped tears.  Or, we got distracted from our spiritual practices and labelled ourselves a failure.

An essential component of inner peace is forgiveness.  I know it sounds cliché; but, forgiveness begins with ourselves.  In several previous posts I note the importance of maintaining regularity in practice, the benefits of small sessions, and not judging yourself harshly if (and when) you slip.  The reason these tips are repeated so often is I speak from experience.  There are so many opportunities to become distracted from the path of fire and light.

…But, each slippery rock is a stepping stone.  One deep breath and you’re back on the tightrope.  The important idea to hold is the only reality is this moment.  That is what all of the new-agey whoey phooey means by “The Now“!

Whatever you did before is over; whatever you think you may do is not guaranteed.  This moment–which appears to move linearly through this imagined construct called time– is really not moving.  This moment is Eternity–in experiences of flow, deep connection, and the blissful states of meditation we chip away at its veil.

When you have full awareness in the moment it is the zenith, the ambrosia, heaven on earth.  Isn’t attainment worth the effort?

But, even if you find you’re distracted from The Now by the illusory pull of the ephemeral world, it’s right there just waiting for you to wake up enough and let it pull you back in.

I was just there.  Were you?

 

Are You Your Relationships?

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WorldOneness4

I eliminated duality with joyous laughter
Saw the Unity of here and the hereafter
Unity is what I sing, Unity is what I speak
Unity is what I know, Unity is what I seek

Rumi

Part 7: 30 Days of Peace

Appearance plays a particularly interesting role in the Himalayan Tradition. The Master’s of these practices elucidate, from their direct experiences, that All that exists is One Power, One Presence, One Consciousness (call out what you will, I will NOT anthropomorphize). But, it appears to present as multiplicity.  This appearance goes by many names: maya, avidya, shakti, illusion.

The cosmological apparent multiplicity is mirrored in the microcosm. People appear one-way outwardly. But, what is going inwardly may be entirely different.

We all have different expectations for our relationships. Most of them are made from our attraction (raga) to about particular outcome: we expect loyalty, companionship, perhaps even financial support.

Some of these expectations are stated when we commit to a relationship, some of them are implied. But, this can lead to assumptions.

Furthermore, there are societal expectations and norms for where what kind of relationships we need to be in based on constructs such as: age, sex, race, and socioeconomic status.

People can disappoint us (which leads into a whole different post about expectations and attachments). They may even harm our bodies (I write this with the assumption that readers of this post know they are not merely a body).

If we allow it, all of this creates stress.

It’s no wonder many wise sages sought refuge in monasticism! Even there, unless you’re a hermit, there are still vows, obligations, and relationships with other monks!

The irony, and purpose of this post, is that it’s all the Power of the aforementioned illusion, the Leela, the Play of Consciousness.

We started this post discussing Unity, not connection–that would denote that the One could be separated.

What’s really going on is utterly magical. Through its own will the One manifests as many. Therefore, relationships are a way the One expresses its magnificence.

This is important for a seeker to understand.

We are relationships. We are the result of relationships. We create and sever them. Our actions may create humans that, in turn, share this web of karma. It sounds really ominous; but, it’s actually beautiful… We are every apparent individual that exists. We are not separated.

When we remember this we can practice lovingkindness to everyone. So many master teachers have tried to impart this wisdom. Because, as stated in many previous posts, there are no others.

One practice from this tradition is a meditation on the Four Attitudes.

  • Friendliness : an attitude to cultivate with the general public
  • Compassion : an attitude to cultivate with those who are suffering
  • Gladness : an attitude to cultivate with those you are envious of
  • Neutrality : an attitude to cultivate with those you have strong negative feelings towards

During your seated practice you can bring forth the image of a person who evokes these responses in you. You breathe and hold their image in your mind-field. Allow the attitude to fill the space and send the recipient the blessing of your positive wishes. Neutrality is the most profound of these attitudes. If you can become neutral, by remembering those who cause pain are also in pain, you may eventually progress to compassion.

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Small Steps Toward Inner Peace

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baby steps

Part 5: 30 Days of Peace

Why is it difficult to simply sit and meditate?

The practice should not be seen as daunting–it is your right and privilege.

Yet, so many people plan on beginning to meditate for years…

First of all, I speculate, when we sit in the silence uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, memories, and emotions come forward.  It can be a stark contrast to the idealized bliss we associate with the image of a meditator on the beach.

In order to meditate successfully, you must develop a different understanding of your how your mind works (you don’t try to stop thinking or suppress the thoughts) you learn to  look at them as an experience–consider their transience. In a sense, you have thoughts; but, you are not your thoughts.

The problem is, at the beginning (and maybe for a long time afterwards), you identify with them– I think therefore I am (not)!

If you wanted to learn to speak a new language or learn calligraphy, you start with small steps. Instead of expecting to sit for 30 minutes and experience nirvana, just hang out with your mind.  But, do this with a playful attitude– be amused and amazed at your inner workings– 1,2,3 minutes in a quiet room, just watching the stream of thought is amazing.

The other reason people do not meditate is lack of discipline.

I know it sounds judgmental; but, I am speaking from experience.  There were many years when I liked the idea of meditation more than I really wanted to do it.  It was a great leap forward when I acknowledged that I really would rather do something else.  When I was honest with myself I could see there is greater value in getting up a few minutes earlier or turning of the TV and getting off my couch.  Believe me, I have to recommit regularly.

If you really want to go further, just begin to work with the breath.  Don’t over complicate it, deep breathing, awareness at the diaphragm (below the breastbone, above the navel) 1,2,3 minutes.  Just focus on the breath and let the thoughts come…  But, you have to get up and do it.

But, if you begin a sincere practice, I can promise the world unfolds to aid you in coming to the Center of Consciousness.

You are what you are looking for… You are the Inner Peace.

There you go, you’re on your way.