The spiritual path is not a straight line. It is circuitous and meandering. We will all, continuously, lose and regain our “way”. The act of starting again, and again, is the path. Always have faith that you can and will do this. Then begin, again.
Author Archives: Avril Loy
Do you have a Philosophy or Direct Experience?
Direct experience is the only “Real” experience.
Peppering the Day with Mindfulness
I try to avoid reminiscing–not reflecting–on the past. Reminiscing means that I there is a longing, a desire for what cannot be, a nostalgia (the root word of which is pain). During reflection, I deliberately consider a past experience, asses if I chose the best course of action, and affirm to continue or discontinue what I was doing.
It is not a lack of sentimentality, rather, I believe (and have been taught), to fully experience one’s life, you have to be awake in the moment–right now.
The highest consciousness is expressing as all of us–right now. During the state of samadhi we are able to realize this consciousness manifesting as us. However, it is not something we can do yesterday, it is a level we awaken to in the present.
My teacher eloquently expressed, you are already in samadhi right now; however, that samadhi is on this human incarnation.
The yoga sutras prescribe five efforts and commitments aspirants should cultivate to assist them in remaining fully, nondually, in the present moment: shraddha (faith), virya (positive energy), smriti (mindfulness or remembering), samadhi (seeking sustained meditation), and prajna (pursuing the highest wisdom).
Smriti is not an obsessive needling, it is a gentle determination to perform one’s actions in a way that holds to attention on the highest goal–assuming that is your goal. Smriti does not pertain to only renunciate, a layperson can practice smriti through their everyday actions. One classic way is offering all actions to where they came from–the highest source.
The Unity Offering Prayer encompasses this concept (there are many variations available):
“Divine Love as me,
blesses and multiplies.
All that I have, all that I give,
all that I receive”.
When we are in our everyday life, there is a perceived duality. Our locus of operation and the Other. Simply, consistently, “seeing” our actions as service to the Highest is a way to remind us of Our True Nature. If we really believe that there is only One, all actions come from the One. Therefore, offer cleaning the car, mowing the lawn, preparing a meal as seva–selfless service.
P.S. As usual, click the links–the one on the five efforts has an exquisite meditation practice on it!
Lemons into…
Having a 4-year-old daughter is a blessing; it’s also a science experiment. Saturday morning began with a sore throat, it progressed to a fever, then I was in urgent care being diagnosed with strep throat. After a shot of antibiotics that looked like they should have been used in equine medicine, I was in bed for the weekend.
Since I consider myself to be spiritual, as all the self-righteous do, I googled “Best Spiritual Movies”. Naturally, I couldn’t just lay in bed and peruse sacred texts. It was an opportunity to watch some old favorites…
I started out nobly enough with Cloud Atlas, into Fight Club (which is profound and eye candy), then (under the guise of watching a movie with my aforementioned 4-year-old) there was Stardust, and (when they had all gone to dinner at my mother’s house) I snuck and watched Bridget Jones’s Diary.
I tend to overwork myself. I tend to believe that if I push harder I’m doing better. Even with my spiritual practices–although I always tell my students, “you cannot fail or do this incorrectly”. I am not excusing laziness; discipline is essential for deepening our practice. But, the universe in his infinite wisdom sometimes makes you just chill out. I definitely felt immense gratitude for my clean and soft bed. Sometimes 24 hours in jammies is extremely cathartic.
The Spiritual Path is Purification
Recently, I was very moved by my beloved teachers words, “There is a myth circulating that to experience the truth you must first be completely, 100% purified, and that is simply not true. First seek the direct experience of the top of the spiritual mountain, and then learn to purify the subtler aspects“.
This seems like a paradox–even in contrast to the Yoga Sutras on which Swami Jnaneshvara was commenting. The penultimate treatise on Yoga begins with the expulsion: prior work must be done before the endeavor of Yoga is to begin. Furthermore, as the Sutras unfold, Patanjali recommends adherents develop a moral base before the endeavor of meditation. The 10 “Suggestions” (not Commandments) of the Sutras are yamas and niyamas. Among those we find tenets, such as: ahimsa (non-harming), aparigraha (developing greedlessness), and tapas (which means fire and austerities)–it all sounds a lot like purification to me!
To those of us (notice I say us), who grew up in the West, with a guilt-inclined (misinterpreted) Christian background, ate junk food, cursed, and were occasionally inebriated–this sounds daunting. However, again as one who speaks from experience, it should not make us feel less than worthy.
The simple, not easy, effort to adopt a spiritual lifestyle (and perhaps to embark on a path to Our Highest High) is inherently purifying. <Sigh> Again, the spiritual path is purification.
Now, I am going to share a very personal experience… But, it is important for readers to understand that everyone’s path is different. As you proceed, understand that in Sanatana Dharma (the group of traditions from which the Himalayan Tradition emerges) a Guru is not a mere person. The Guru represents the Highest Consciousness–Superconsciousness.
Many years ago, I was chanting an ancient text of Kashmir Shaivism, the Guru Gita, with my meditation group. I came across this verse, “Blessed are all the relatives, Blessed are the ancestors, Of one who serves the Sadguru; Such a soul is rare indeed“. That stanza changed me forever; such a soul is rare indeed.
What the Guru Gita is revealing is the rarity (not the perceived flawlessness) of an earnest seeker.
Knowing that rarity can spark a fire of passion, which is was one needs to obtain the Highest Realization.
As an earnest seeker pursues the path, they will begin to live more ethically–because they will come to know (not intellectually; but experientially) that they are connected to everyone and everything. This desire to be non-harming, greedless, and have temperance will come naturally–as opposed to being taught such behaviors dogmatically.
Then, of course, there is grace bestowed on the earnest seeker–but, that will be another post.
It helps to remember, you are who you are seeking.
As We regularly go inside, we steep in Our true nature. The longer the steep, the stronger the brew.
The Zen of Anger
It would be ludicrous to think that as a practitioner of yoga meditation I don’t get angry. In fact, my inclination toward getting annoyed is one of the reasons I am so dutiful with my practice. If we follow the DISC personality typing, I am an “I”–which means Influence–but, it can also mean Impulsive! However, the same energy that is the source of my strengths is also the source of my lesser strengths.
This morning I got angry with my son–the people that we are closest to can be the source of our greatest joy. Paradoxically, they can be the catalyst of our greatest frustration! I have a lot invested in my son–he is after all, my son. With an investment comes an expectation. When the investment does not yield a return it is a disappointment. This investment is an attraction and the disappointment is an aversion.
According to the Yoga Sutras, both attraction (raga) and aversion (dvesha) are two faces of the same coin–attachment. Both of these stem from a lack of knowledge of our true nature (avidya)–our true nature is perennial, not ephemeral. However, the nature of the physical world is transient. We cling to the things and experiences of the physical world that we love. We push away the things and experiences that we abhor. But, both the pushing and pulling cause us suffering (dukha or dukkha).
I am attracted to my son doing what I believe is best for me, he does something other than that, my attraction to my expectation is not met, I experience disappointment, my disappointment is a form of suffering. To the unmastered mind, all worldly experiences yield suffering because they are impermanent. However, this does not have to be the case.
When we are rooted in our true nature from earnest abhyasa and vairagya (practice and non-attachment) then we are aware of the fleeting nature of our experiences and we can be released from the suffering of attraction and aversion. It does not mean we are apathetic or ambivalent–I am still going to parent my child–with the hope that he leads a skillful and happy life. But, I am working on not expecting him to do what I want. We still have rules. If he breaks them, he is punished. But, now it’s not a big emotional tirade–because I didn’t get what I want.
Today I got angry, I felt the blood pump and my temperature rise. But, I was very aware that this was a bodily experience and not who I am at the core; moreover, not an emotion I have to act on. I didn’t resist the anger–that is aversion–I just let it come. I went for a drive and returned as the person I want to be.
Fringe Benefits
The endeavor of this blog is simple–but not easy: Changing the Past, Transforming the Future, by Loving Right Now! As most of our readership knows, we strive to serve others through sharing: teachings of the Himalayan Tradition, our insights and experiences in meditation, and our Poetry. However, my recent acumen is, being a Yoga Meditation Coach supports my own Life Goal–Self–Realization.
As I have said in previous postings, this tradition uses the word Realize (as opposed to transcend) because we are waking up to our Truth–our Real Nature.
About a year ago, my meditation practice began to shift. I felt a burning desire to affirm to Consciousness my desire to assist others develop a meditation practice. There were several factors contributing to this pull: I wanted to feel more “authentic”, I was unhappy with the direction I found many asana classes going in, and I was driven by the peace I find when I go inside–even during a seemingly lackluster sitting. Over the course of the year, spaces opened up and I was propelled from leading a casual workshop to several, then to multiple weekly classes and then this blog–which I am so fortunate to share with The Love of my Life.
As space (not really free time) has presented itself in my schedule, it has also presented itself in my heart. Coaching is propelling me into a place of intense devotion (bhava) to the teachings and teachers which have given me so much. Furthermore, it has forced me to raise the standards I hold myself too. I was inconsistent. I used to feel that I could not sit still, I could not quiet my mind (which I have relinquished trying to do), and I could not go deeply into meditation. But, as I began to share my passion, I found the committment (virya–notice the similarity to virility) that I had previously lacked. Merely (but, again not easily) having a modicum of accountability to others lit a fire under my rear.
My husband often says, “even if you practice serving other for selfish reasons, it raises the vibration of everything”. When I began this endeavor, I wanted to feel more authentic, I was unhappy with classes, I wanted to share my perspective on peace– it wasn’t about The Tradition is was about me…
Wow, I still have so much more undoing to do. As my beloved Swami J reminds me, this practice is about setting aside the false identities. Practice makes proficient–we are already perfect. We just have to Realize it.
P.S. Click the links!
Scar Tissue
Today I planned on writing another meditation-based lesson/insight. But, sometimes you have to go with your intuition, and recently the universe provided me an opportunity to observe myself and where I am growing from my meditation practice. As an instructor I want to share what is working (and not working)–hopefully this offers some idea of what you may expect. Additionally, it is important to savor the small victories. But, don’t accept anything I say–meditate, meditate, meditate and find Truth for yourself.
A “glitch” I have wrestled with is holding grudges. Who knows where it arose from? I come from a long line of spicy Panamanian women– perhaps we ate to many chili peppers! But, it doesn’t matter where it came from; what matters is that it a pattern or samskara, “those deep impressions. It is those deep impressions or seed habit patterns, which are at the root of ALL of our Karmas (actions)” (Swami Jnaneshvara Bharati).
Samskara– it sounds like a scar– a deep etching a groove left in the mind which, like a cd stuck on a track, leads to habituated behavior.
When we sit to meditate we are first taught to let the stream of thoughts come and go without obstruction. We are taught to let the mind behave naturally and develop the perspective of a detached witness to this stream. Why? What purpose does this serve?
Over time this art of gently allowing the mind to unfold and bloom helps the aspirant to “see” that the mind has a limitless capacity for creation. A meditator learns to have more an impersonal relationship with “their” thoughts; they are just thoughts and not who we are at the core.
Once there is some space between the thinker and the thoughts; the fun starts to really happen… A consistent meditator notices that there are trends and habits of thinking which does not serve them. In my case, the habit is to become very defensive and angry when I perceived that I have been wronged. This tendency can lead me to hold a grudge.
Earlier this week, I was relaying to a dear friend some feelings I had about the Yoga community in my home town. I had a particularly unhappy experience which someone who has a very financially successful studio in-town. When the antagonist of my drama and I parted company, it left a very sour taste in my mouth. But, this time when I shared the story I finally felt more “neutral”. I am not going to say it was as if I was a newscaster. But, it was the first time my blood did not boil. Furthermore, I was aware of this new sense of “neutrality”.
I have begun to erase this groove.
The yoga sutras speak of four attitudes to cultivate: Maitri: Friendliness, pleasantness, loving-ness; Karuna: Compassion, mercy; Mudita: Gladness, goodwill; Upekshanam: Acceptance, equanimity, indifference, neutrality. The last of these is to be cultivated specifically towards “those we perceive as wicked or evil”.
In addition to the concept of neutrality– notice that the sutras say “those we perceive”, because the truth is, when our minds are deeply entrenched in thought we don’t really get the truth of what is going on. We ride off on each thought into the land of fantasy where we are the protagonist and the star of our drama.
As we move further into our path we work towards not creating new etchings by a committment to observing the thoughts. Then they don’t unconsciously affix to us– we are aware of their comings and goings. When an unsavory thought attempts take hold we label it as “not useful” and let it go. After all, we aren’t defined by them– they are just thoughts– and we understand that they are the product of our beautiful, boundless, ever creative mind.
Consistency in Meditation Practice
I was listening to an audiobook that is a staple in my library now, “Practicing Mindfulness: An Introduction to Meditation” by Professor Mark W. Muesse Ph.D. The lecturer eloquently describes our exhibitionist media’s stereotypical image of a meditator: young, scantily dressed woman, on a beach or in a lush garden. He artfully explains this image makes meditation seem relaxing, easy, and fun. However, Muesse goes further to explain how polarizing this is–if you can’t sit criss-cross applesauce, if you’re not young and lithe, and if you’re not a sexy woman you may feel excluded from the club.
I’ve got news for you: meditation is not necessarily easy (in fact, at times it may be difficult). Furthermore, with an untrained body and mind there will be discomfort. But, like an athlete systematically trains for a marathon by consistently increasing their running on a weekly basis, a consistent practice will unfold in the ability to sit, reasonably comfortably, in meditation.
The Himalayan Tradition prescribes sitting in meditation four times a day! Yes, that may be daunting. Furthermore it may not be your reality. I have to maintain flexibility in my practice schedule. But, I sit every day!
The Yoga Sutras explain, if one wants Realization (if that is what you want), this requires committment. Realization is the greatest undertaking of a Human Life– it is not to be taken lightly. If you want to lower your blood pressure and zone out, then you should meditate sporadically.
All the Masters prescribe a relationship with The Silence, from Jesus to The Buddha. So I guess the real question, before we determine why so many people don’t meditate regularly–is, what do you really want?
Classically, in Raja-Yoga (the path described in the Yoga Sutras), one does not start with meditation. One begins with getting their house in order.
Perhaps you attracted to the idea of meditation, as stated it is recommended by The Best. But, you don’t know what you want for your life. Perhaps, you don’t have a goal. The aforementioned runner does not only hit the road to prepare for a marathon (meditation), they also use weights, they stretch, and they modify their nutrition. The Himalayan Tradition affords adjunctive practices to prepare and enhance meditation. One such practice is internal dialogue (atma vichara).
Internal dialogue is just that: having a two-way conversation with the mind. Don’t let that seem schizy to you– we do it all the time. Sometimes it is more that a two-way conversation– Muesse describes it as a committee meeting! Internal dialogue is a practice which allows you get to know your own mind, to befriend it, to learn your true deepest desires, and to have a goal for your life.
If you’re already meditating, but not using atma vichara consider adding it to bolster your practice. If you’re meditating inconsistently, understand your level of effort will yield fruit accordingly. If you haven’t begun a meditation practice, and you feel an aversion or hesitation, start with atma vichara (internal dialogue) to learn why.
Then meditate, meditate, meditate. As my beloved Swami J says, “May your meditation today bring you peace, happiness and bliss…“.
P.S. USE THE LINKS IN THE ARTICLE TO DEEPEN YOUR UNDERSTANDING!!! LOOK AT THE GUIDED PRACTICES CATEGORY FOR MORE ASSISTANCE.
Unplugged Snippet
Just a snippet of the guided meditation at “9 am Unplugged” every Sunday at Unity North Atlanta.
We share acoustic music, interactive dialogue, guided meditation, and Love!
We are still producing some more guided practices that will be uploaded to the blog soon!
From the Gross to the Subtle 