The Zen of Anger

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I originally posted this in February 2015.  I am reposting with some edits–it feels so relevant to my previous post (Heartbreak Catapult).  The spiritual path (sadhana) is not a straight line it is a circuitous path.

It would be ludicrous to think as a practitioner of Yoga Meditation I don’t get angry. Candidly, my inclination toward becoming annoyed is a reason I am dutiful with my practice.

According to DISC personality typing, I am an “I”–which means “Influence”–but, it can also mean impulsive! The same energy that is the source of my strengths is also the source of my lesser strengths (not weaknesses).

This morning I got angry with my son.  Paradoxically, the people we are closest to can be the source of our greatest joy sand the catalyst of our greatest frustrations!

I have a lot invested in my son–he is after all, my son.  With an investment comes an expectation.  When the investment does not yield a return there is disappointment.  The return on investment is an attraction and the disappointment is an aversion.

According to the Yoga Sutras, both attraction (raga) and aversion (dvesha) are two sides of the same coin–attachment.  Both stem from a primal lack of knowledge regarding our True Nature (avidya) which is perennial and not ephemeral.

Conversely, the apparent nature of the physical world is transient.  Due to this, we cling to the things and experiences of the physical world that we love.  We push away the things and experiences that we abhor.  But, both the pushing and pulling cause us suffering (dukha or dukkha).

I am attracted to my son doing what I believe is best (for me), he does something other than that, my expectation is not met, I experience disappointment, my disappointment is a form of suffering.  To the unmastered mind, all worldly experiences yield suffering because they are impermanent.  However, this does not have to be the case.

When we are rooted in awareness of our True Nature from earnest practice and non-attachment (abhyasa and vairagya) we are aware of the fleeting nature of our experiences and we can be released from the suffering of attraction and aversion.  It does not mean we are apathetic or ambivalent–I am still going to parent my child–with the hope that he leads a skillful and happy life.  But, I am working on not expecting him to do what I want.  We still have rules.  If he breaks them, he is punished.  But, now it’s not a big emotional tirade–because I didn’t get what I want.

Today I got angry; I felt the blood pump and my temperature rise.  But, I was very aware that this was a bodily experience and not who I am at the core; moreover, not an emotion I have to act on.  I didn’t resist the anger–that is aversion–I just let it come.  I went for a drive and returned as the person I want to be.

Heartbreak Catapult

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It has been a powerful 10 months–although when does life cease to provide opportunities for growth?  My husband and I separated and are in the process of divorcing; due to my spiritual prowess (sarcasm oozing) I thought I was over “it“.

I know grieving is a natural process– I even wrote a post about it!  Yet, somehow I hallucinated I had earned spiritual cred and would ascend the proverbial staircase effortlessly. Well, it hasn’t been flawless.

I, a long time aspirant, rebounded, ate too much sugar, slacked on my meditation practice, called into work sick, grumped with my children, and finally acknowledged that I am unhappy to be uncoupling.  But, the heartache is also bringing me to a place that is so real and fertile.

About a year ago, when I couldn’t even imagine that we were on the verge of separation, I was hosting a meditation retreat.  My group skyped with Ma Tri  and she shared a beautiful insight about devotion.  To paraphrase, she explained that these practices are not about suppressing emotions; rather, an adept harnesses them to fuel their quest for self-knowledge.  Emotions are energy–the energy of desire.

Right now, I have to be with this pain.  It is my teacher, it is teaching me about attachment.  But, it is also teaching me about gratitude.  I have gratitude for the skill of self-inquiry, which I have developed during this spiritual journey.  I have gratitude for the ability to shift from my sadness to reflect on what is working in my life.

When I feel that I am beating myself up, I return to my favorite Rumi poem, “…even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come”.  Then I know that these practices, my sadhana, is working.

All Yogic Approaches Involve the Replacement of Old Habit Patterns with New Benign Patterns

Part 11, the final installment, of “How Do You Qualify Yoga?” (a series I originally posted and have converted to a permanent page).

“Everyone has weaknesses. Wise is he who acknowledges his weaknesses and works steadily to remove them and replace them with the essential virtues that strengthen him and make him brave, fearless, and truthful.”

Swami Rama: “The Perennial Psychology of the Bhagavad Gita”

There are so many ways to approach this qualifier of a Yogic approach (all of which I have discussed in previous posts): the eight-runged path of the Yoga Sutras, a discussion on samskarasdeveloping the skill of witnessing, and uncoloring.  Even better, a combination of the four (although a scholar can illustrate innumerous examples of this being the purpose of the practices).

In this Tradition, classically, one did not begin with meditation directly.  One began with developing a dharmic lifestyle.  This is seems at conflict with the Western concept of Yoga being almost amoral (not immoral)–as if anything goes.  The difference between the morality of Yoga and many other belief systems is the morality is intrinsic; it is morality for the sake of morality.  It arises from the understanding that we all are One; the integrity of a Yogi is not due to fear of retribution from a deity.  The early teachings of Yoga sought to develop this inner compass, then the aspirant would move into a seated meditation practice.

After moving into meditation, we begin to notice that thoughts come and go constantly. As we spend more time in this space we begin to notice that thoughts have trends.  Perhaps we discover we have a trend towards judgement, craving of material items, or feelings of unworthiness.  These trends can be thought of as being grooves that are etched into our mind-field–the Yogis called these samskaras.

The initial goal of Yoga meditation is to become AWARE of these patterns, NOT to critique or engage with them.  Early meditation is not psychoanalysis, it is accepting that all minds are capable of all types of thoughts: good, bad, and neutral.  But, thought is not who we are, it is what we are doing.  The art of witnessing is allowing the mind to naturally unfold without interfering with the process.  This reduces the emotional attachment to the thought, it uncolors them.  It is easier said than done.

Over time, the more practiced meditator begins to take a dispassionate stance and without judgment seeks to teach the mind to cultivate thoughts which bring them closer to harmony.  A practiced meditator explains to their mind (yes, I know how that sounds; but, dialogue with one’s own mind is essential if you want your mind be sharpened) this thought is useful and this thought is not useful.  Over time the mind entrains towards thoughts which create equanimity.

So after writing this series, what have I learned: I need to meditate more!

 

Keeping Company with the Truth

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I originally posted this about a year ago; but, my feelings have not diminished.  It needed to be restated.  I refreshed it a little, too.

Satsang is a Sanskrit word I love; it has an onomatopoeia-like quality to it… When I say it I feel a warmth, like Picasso said, “the sun in my belly”.

Satsang can be translated as, “keeping company with the truth “. Sat, means “highest truth”. It is one of the attributes of the Center of Consciousness.

The suffix -sang in “Satsang” means community; as in the Buddhist term “Sangha”.

In previous posts, I stressed the necessity of going inside to steep in Center of Consciousness. The distillate of direct experience is the highest truth.  It is not mere conceptual knowledge.

However, since it is Our Collective Center, we can also expand our knowledge of it by spending time with other seekers.  We can help each other to remember Our True Nature–the aforementioned Center of Consciousness–which is eternal and flawless.

It is so to forget, even for the most dedicated aspirant. Self-seeking can be isolating.  But, the spiritual path is not supposed be grim.  Even monks gather in communities!   So, go into the cave; but, emerge and share the Divinity of Our True Nature.

The Driving Dead

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I have a visceral reaction to rush-hour traffic–it is abhorrent. But, I live in metro-Atlanta, it’s unavoidable. It’s also a great opportunity to test my spiritual practices It’s my own laboratory: I listen to “edutaining” audiobooks, I try to remain present, I avoid judging other drivers, I resist the phone.

The Yoga Sutras suggest five behaviors for a spiritual seeker to cultivate; one of these attitudes is mindfulness (smriti).  Which is simply, paying attention to whatever you are paying attention to.  It is also seeing that the path is every step you take; not compartmentalizing spiritual life and secular life.  I am learning a great deal about myself while I am behind the wheel.

Recently, while wrestling with the traffic juggernaut, one of my greatest teachers abruptly tested me.  She wanted me to see if I was grounded in my practices. During a particularly frenetic moment, my five-year-old daughter, Clementine, exclaimed from her booster seat, “I don’t want you to die and leave me alone!”

This was seemingly out of nowhere; yet, in a previous post, I noted our home is in a state of transition. So, the outburst wasn’t entirely unwarranted.

My mind was in a whirl; how do I explain impermanence to a child while, paradoxically, trying not to kill us on the road?

The answer was simple, my practices had prepared me, I surrendered.  Yoga practices make you flexible–not as a contortionist.  Sadhana is a process of systematically reducing reducing attachments, such as expectations, and attaining a state of pure spontaneity.

So, without being too kerflummoxed, I was in a new role–Teacher Mom.  Off went the radio, deep breathing resumed, and a truly beautiful moment ensued. I told Clementine that everything she can see is a cosmic ocean.  I explained we are all waves in the ocean.  A wave rises and falls; but, is never removed from the ocean.  In the same manner, we have not and cannot ever be apart.  She continued to be emotional; but, she found comfort in knowing she and I are One.

I offered a prayer of gratitude for my car temple.  What a sublime moment of intimacy in the sea of automotive chaos.  Every moment is Divine.

 

Be the Best “Version” of your Self

Truly, there is no “better” or “worse” version of You, or I–we are the Center of Consciousness.  How can there be a flaw?

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Be the Best Version of your “Self”

In Yoga Philosophy, a human is viewed as an expression of the Center of Consciousness.  As the Center of Consciousness “moves outward” it appears to condense (for lack of a better word) and become the individual.  But, the Center of Consciousness remains eternal, undiminished, unchanged.  

There are various sheaths (koshas) appearing to veil the Center of Consciousness; they are like layered lampshades covering a light.  At the outermost level there is the physical body; the next, more subtle, layer is the energy/breath body; the next, subtler, layer is the mental body; the mind is preceded by the wisdom body; at core is the Self–the point where Center of Consciousness initiates individuation. 

Whether or not you subscribe to this philosophy, we can intuit that we are more than we appear to be. What we hold to be as our “True Nature” is a personal belief.  However, the busyness of our lives causes us to misidentify with all of the actions we are doing instead of our illusive “True Nature”.

Furthermore, our addiction to moving outward–as opposed to focusing inward–causes many of us to fixate on our failures and challenges.  We can become mired in a victim persona, subjecting ourselves to a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Meditation is a tool which can shift us to a state of empowerment by: improving our physiological functioning, depersonalizing the thinking process, and relieving us from attachments.

When the human nervous system evolved, it bifurcated into two aspects which work like gears on a manual transmission.  The sympathetic nervous system causes humans to jump into action.  It triggers the “fight or flight” response via the release stimulating hormones, which includes: dilated pupils, accelerated heart rate, and increased rate of respiration.  Conversely, the parasympathetic nervous system is associated with feelings of safety and wellbeing–reflect on the feeling holding a calm baby.  Unfortunately, many people are primarily tapped into the sympathetic nervous system–they are reactive, anxious, and judgemental.  

Most systems of meditation are practiced in a relaxing environment and incorporate techniques, such as: body scanning, diaphragmatic breathing, and focusing attention–all of which elicit a parasympathetic response.  When this is stimulated, thoughts are inclined to be uplifting and positive.  In fact, a recent Harvard study indicates, 8-weeks of mindfulness meditation cause the brain to grow new gray matter. This asserts you can rewire your brain into new thought patterns. Despite the catharsis of improving the quality of our thoughts, it is important to understand that we are not our thoughts.

As previously mentioned, we identify with our accomplishments and roles; however, we also identify with our thoughts.  Thoughts, like the material objects of the world are “objects” we have created on the mental plane.  Many people have an antagonistic relationship with their thoughts.  They tend to believe that they are good when they are having positive and altruistic thoughts.  They tend to judge themselves when they are having negative thoughts.  All minds are creative–even Buddhist monks have thoughts of murder.  However, acting on a thought is a different scenario.

Although there are benefits to positive thinking; it’s important to get distance from your thoughts.  This is not an attempt to have cessation of the thinking process; rather, the goal is to become detached from the activity of the mind. In most meditation traditions, practitioners are taught to allow the mind to behave naturally–not to interfere with the thinking process.  Over time, one is able to become aware of the transient nature of thoughts.  Ultimately, as one becomes dispassionate about thoughts, the mind begins to relax; this is not unlike a pond settling after it is undisturbed for a while.  Then one becomes aware of spaces between the thoughts.  In meditation we attempt to move into those spaces–not to shut the mind down.  

After one develops a regular practice they may observe that thoughts are of two sorts: neutral and colored.  Neutral thoughts are benign, they do not elicit an emotional response. Colored (klishta) thoughts are shaded with attachment.  Attachment is twofold: attraction and repulsion (aversion).  We cling at what we are attracted to and we push against what we are repulsed by.  Yet, these are two sides of the same coin–in both cases one is attached.  We expend a great deal of energy trying to get more of what we want and an equal amount of energy trying to keep away what we abhor.  The rationale of this behavior is happiness; but, true happiness is not determined by what is outside of us.  

As a meditation practice develops, one is able to discern which thoughts are colored. A regular meditator is detached from their thoughts, they are able to uncolor them and decrease incessant craving for the the material world and it’s ephemeral pleasures.  Many philosophies believe attachment is our greatest downfall; whether is desire for more accomplishments and experiences or the fear of death.  Meditation does not make us apathetic; a healthy yearning for that which brings us inside and towards truth is amplified with regular practice.

Meditation is a wellspring; it allows us to set down the many false ideas and identities that burden us on a daily basis.  Then, as if we hang these on a clothesline, after meditation we pick these up and they feel lighter. With meditation we begin to perceive ideas of lack are not our true nature; they are fantasies we created along the way.  During meditation, we still the body, smooth the breath, quiet the mind, and steep in the silent Center of Consciousness.  How can we be undeserving, unworthy or unlovable if our true nature is perennial and connected with the True Nature of everyone?  

 

All Yogic Approaches are Initiatory

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Part 10 of “How Do You Qualify Yoga?

…I return to a more controversial qualification presented by Georg Feuerstein, in his perennial work, “The Lost Teachings of Yoga“.

Truly the name of this article can also be tilted “Do you need a Guru?”  According to my teacher, Swami Jnaneshvara Bharati, “[A] Guru is not considered to be any person, though the force of guru may operate through a person. Teachers may be respected, but are not objects of worship. “Gu” means “darkness” and “ru” means “light.” Guru is the light that dispels the darkness of ignorance.”

However, even my teacher has a Guru.

Georg is adamant, in the aforementioned work–and many others–self-taught, and even incorrect teachings have benefit, the subtle nuances of Yoga tradition are missed without a Guru to elucidate them.

How do I feel about this?  My answer probably will be cryptic–I avoid offering advice.

I know, the old adage, “when the student is ready, the teacher will come”, sounds patronizing–especially, to someone who considers himself  to be an earnest seeker.  The challenge is, especially if you listen to Georg’s audiobook, are we earnest seekers?

The Path, as described by Swami Rama in, The Architect and the Path, ” …Is narrower than the needle’s eye and as sharp as a razor’s edge.”  Furthermore, he explains, a half-hearted seeker will find that their efforts may not bear fruit.  He is assertive in his conclusion, “If your dearest one stands in the way of Self-realization, tread over him, forsake him, go beyond. If your beloved stands in the way of Self-realization, cast her aside. Your trusted friend is Truth and Truth alone.”  These strong words are the rationale behind the celibate, renunciate lifestyle of the Swami.

So, before instead of answering the question, “do you need a Guru?”  I offer, “are you a sincere seeker?”

A wise friend of mine said, “do you have a spiritual path or a hobby?”

I have vacillated on my committment; but, I am striving for complete adherence and surrender.  This adherence is not coming from the fear of punishment, or the hope of reward, from an external source.  It is intrinsic.  The deeper I go, the more I realize that I am looking for something inside of me.  The closer I get to it, the more I understand the need to associate with those who have tread this path.

My teacher is treading this path.  I listen to his advice because I feel the truth resonating in it; not, because I am following blindly.  I see the practices working in my life; but, only, when I am committed to them.

All Yogic approaches account for surprise and/or grace.

Part 9 of “How do you Qualify Yoga?

About a year ago, I was facilitating a workshop and met someone who is now a dear friend.  Our connection was instant; he had been raised a devout Hindu and was very complementary about my ability to simplify teachings he had previously learned.  We culminated our discussion with the idea that, assuming you subscribe to belief in Saṃsāra, how it took everything we had done up to that moment to even be in that workshop–to even be discussing teachings which were, at one time, only available to the chosen few.

According to Swami Rama, “…There is also the activity of grace. Grace is the impulse or the impetus of the energy to dispel darkness. There is the grace of the scriptures, from the wisdom that has passed down from others. There is the grace of the teacher, who imparts that wisdom and helps bring it to life in the student. There is the grace of God, or pure consciousness, that is alive and ever present in everyone’s life. Integral to these three graces is the grace of oneself, having the will to undertake a purposeful journey in life, to do the spiritual work of life, and to prepare oneself.”

What is the source of the impulse?

According to the mahavakyas:

  1. Brahma satyam jagan mithya–Brahman is real; the world is unreal
  2. Ekamevadvitiyambrahma–Brahman is one, without a second
  3. Prajnanambrahman–Brahman is the supreme knowledge
  4. Tat tvam asi–That is what you are
  5. Ayamatmabrahma–Atman and brahman are the same
  6. Aham brahmasmi–I am brahman
  7. Sarvam khalvidam brahma–All of this is brahman

If Brahman–which is an arbitrary word for the Center of Consciousness, the nameless apex, or whatever you wish to call it–and we are one and the same, the source of the impulse is from within.  We heard it said before, “You are who you are seeking.”  Ironically, the picture above says “to serve another”–there is no other.  There is only one.

There is no need to anthropomorphize the Center, I am not suggesting “someone” is pulling strings.  But, to paraphrase Ma Tri, when you done all the preparatory work, when you have gone deep enough in your meditation, eventually it is a surrender and grace that carries you the final distance.

Hence, meditation, affirmative prayer, contemplation, and gratitude–try to do some every day.

Let’s Dance

Avril Loy's avatarFrom the Gross to the Subtle

A repost from Chad Bittner Hurt, who will be a regular guest blogger og FGTS!

Let’s dance

Deliberate movement
Divine purpose
Each step is an improvement
In our connection to spirit
Expanding our mantra beyond verses
Our bodies surrender to that which is us and reaches up
We move so carefully to all our guides gift us and teach us.
The drum, the beat, the music
That is our vehicle
Is a powerful short cut to the pinnacle,
An embrace we all so earnestly seek
So sing and cut a rug with reckless abandon.
Especially when instructed by those asking us to take each other’s hand in hand,
Bringing us ever closer in meditation and the gentle words they speak.
Leave with an open heart, lose these imaginary boundaries, fade into the oneness that is us becoming,
And settle into a happiness that Is no less than perfection dancing, cheek…

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The closer we come to Enlightenment the more ordinary we become

Part 8 of “How do You Qualify Yoga?”

Toward the One,
the Perfection of Love, Harmony, and Beauty,
the Only Being,
United with all the Illuminated Souls,
Who form the Embodiment of the Master,
the Spirit of Guidance.

I find such comfort in this prayer from the Sufi master, Hazrat Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan.  Especially when I contemplate the line, “all the Illuminated Souls who form the embodiment of the Master”.  Pause to savor that concept.  There is not one Master, there is not one path.  When the Buddha was asked, “who are you”?  He replied, “I am awake”.

Self-realization is an experience shared by numerous individuals from numerous traditions.  One can argue that the Buddha, the Christ, and Rumi were all describing the same level of consciousness with different words.  To believe that the omnipotent Ultimate Reality is confined to one tradition belittles it.

One hallmark on enlightened Masters is simplicity.  Not merely renunciation; because like a dry drunk, mere physical renunciation without renouncing internally is playing a role.  Internal renunciation is the letting go of the attachment to the outcome; yet continuing to strive for ultimate Reality, as described in my previous post.

All illuminated Masters incline towards simplicity.  Furthermore, the closer they are the less they are drawn to the fleeting transient world.  They taste what is “real” and tasting leads to savoring.  What could be more satisfying; to know the Ultimate Reality or to go on with the mundane temporary–even if it is stimulating to the senses.  Everything “out here” is subject to change.  The only constant is that core, “the perfection of love, harmony, and beauty”.